she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I lost the right to judge tonight
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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