Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
is wine microwaveable?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
