im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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