I never want to see another naked old woman again.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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