I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
