hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
