My friends, they love my intelligence
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
