is your mom at the bar?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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