I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
