Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
