woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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