the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
