I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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