I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
