I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
