You made me cry and you don't even care
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
