respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
