Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
he shaved USA in his pubs
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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