I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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