i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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