I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
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