I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
