So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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