I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
