hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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