Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
