Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
