Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
