My sheets look like a crime scene.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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