i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
