I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
