I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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