In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
