if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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