And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
