i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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