Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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