ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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