Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
