unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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