So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...