the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
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You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
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