got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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