I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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