We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
