Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
