the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
