can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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