I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
