sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
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