You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
