Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
