I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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