Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Randomize
