Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
