I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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