so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
