lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
