Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
bring money and cleavage
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I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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