Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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