There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
