So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Girls should come with a carfax report
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
