Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
