new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
