oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
