I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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