Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
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