i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
