This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
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