I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize