im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
