DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
