Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
