Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
