It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
