my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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