I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
