you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
